Lady Love

Apr. 15th, 2017 11:14 pm
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"The world is full of danger. Every angle, you must watch. But how can one keep track of them all?
There are too many."

Lady Love, in her pale blue dress and black heels, lay back against the arm of the sofa across from my desk as she expressed these thoughts and concerns. Her legs were stretched out in front of her as her eyes got lost in the spinning ceiling fan above her.
This is how she always began. A thought provoking question or comment. And it was always my pleasure to listen and answer.

Lady Love pushed back a lock of deep, brown curly hair out of her face then let her arm slide back down the front of the sofa. Her fingers grazed the floor. Her other arm was tucked beneath her head. She sighed deeply.

"Like,men", she said, her voice resounding with deep emotional notes. It always sounded that way and carried with it a slight accent that i could not place.
"A man is like an angle with many angles. How could any woman ever feel completely safe with one?"
I asked her why did she feel this way, and to explain what she meant by angles, but for several minutes I received nothing but silence.
I didn't mind her silence though. It was during these quiet moments that I understood her the most. She became more visible to me. Her presence alone set a very specific tone that I could not define exactly. Lady Love was complex. A beautiful challenge.

She looked over at me with her extraordinarily beautiful face,a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Wouldn't you say that you all harvest a potential barbarian?"
My brows rose. "We do?"
She chuckled deeply with a smirk then turned away, drifting off into thought.

While she was off somewhere in her complicated mind I continued working on the sketch of her that I had started at the bottom page of my notebook. I always did this with her. I wanted a permanent image of her exact position and demeanor during each session.

"Do you think God loves women the same way he loves men?" She asked softly after several minutes.
"Well...yes. I would say so," I answered slowly, cocking my head.
I then cringed inside as I realized how uncertain I sounded, but the question kind of threw me off even though I should be accustomed to the unexpected by now. Accustomed to her.

"In the Bible the focus is always on men unless it concerns a woman bearing a son. That has always bothered me. It's like.." She trailed off for a brief moment. "I wrestle with this quite often. I struggle with men because of this. Well,there are many other reasons why I have issues with men, but... I even struggle with God." Her voice began to quiver as she continued. "Sometimes I feel worthless in his eyes and it makes me want to reject all that comes with being a woman, as well as reject men. I think I hate men in a way. Behind my smile and friendly conversation,I really do. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to give myself to one. Ever.It's like this, God favors men, then I will in return reject men." She said all of this with deep sorrow mixed with a hint of anger, keeping her gaze averted away from mine as a tear dripped down the side of her face. "I don't mind living alone. I can do it. It's better that way."

I was speechless after hearing all of this, and the room quickly filled with silence.Her words had an immediate affect on me.My heart cringed, and I could even feel the sting of tears.
I felt sadness and shame. Shame for simply being a man, and sadness because of her pain. How did such a beautiful angel come to feel this way? So unloved and worthless? Who hurt you? I wanted to ask her,but I didn't. It wasn't the right time.
If only she knew, my God, if only she knew.
Lady Love did not know this but in my eyes she was a pure treasure. Like heaven in the flesh.

To Be Continued...

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